#**Its Complicated(tm)
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These dolls were mailed to me with no return address. They feel very... warm.
#uglydolls#uglydolls lou#goth#gothic aesthetic#uglydolls oc#uglydolls ocs#i got to a complicated panel in my comic#and instead of trying to work through it like a normal person#my brain panicked and experimented with this instead#and now that my panicked brain has calmed down due to it being late at night#it's realizing its cowardice AND which endeavor actually took longer in the end#mwap 🎺#i don't even know what i was trying to do 😂#every fandom's gotta have a goth/emo take somewhere right?#i'd draw a version with the actual uglydolls but we have fugglers(TM) for that
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drew my arrogant adventurer turned farmer boy who has a ""complicated"" relationship with balor
#fields of mistria#my art tag#and his outfit how i see it fkdslafdsajl#its not really complicated they're both just very Dumb(TM)
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occasionally i remember that cursed line from wottg about annabeth being surprised that percy can comfort her and it makes me want to torch disney hq down hashtag notmypercabeth or wtvr
#they havent been my percabeth since mark of athena anyhow but i digress#tbh it kinda makes me sad how they went from being my favorites to just having very meh and complicated feelings about them#mixed bag of the hoo onwards writing and the fandom#rr is rlly not doing himself any favors with pushing them as the perfect couple tm but unfortunately its what sells#rr crit#wottg crit
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My silly headcanon is that Jonah didn't know that Elias was a trans man (without bottom surgery) when he did the weird possession thing so he just went "Wait.. Where's my dick?? Why didn't I know about this??" And the eye went "Dude don't be transphobic"
this doesn't really go against elias' canon gender presentation, but i do like it. it's fun.
#and its also added complexity to my already incredibly complex jonah magnus gender headcanon#(transfem genderfluid otherkin she/he/it + they/them sometimes.#mild gender dysphoria about her chest and hands extreme species dysphoria about its mind and how it works.)#so accidentally possessing a trans man would. further complicate her Gender Feelings(tm)#tma#the magnus archives#tma headcanons
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altonaufein & relationships 🌙
i saw this making the rounds on twitter and wanted to do it for my drow son.
i would like to see more people do it so i'll be tagging (with no pressure, of course):
@voliialpha, @lairofsentinel, @shibepetter, @rahabs, @thenightsong, @leopardmuffinxo, @utopianoverlord, @lokorum, @galfreybaenre, @poreyneel, @hawke, @zahra-hydris, @carusti, @fuzzy-set, @inkberrry, @polygone-moi, @bg3, @bigbraincel
🖤
#i'll expand on this at a later point but these are the Vibes(tm) for now#it was hard to settle on just one word to encompass a relationship and its development#it would have perhaps been more on brand for alton to put complicated on almost all of them but that's a cop out sdfksld#if minsc was on this template he'd prob be on neutral as well#or perhaps friends/complicated#i need to play more with him in the party#ch: altonaufein#vg: baldur's gate 3#series: baldur's gate#text: personal
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I do think Alfred would keep the name if she transitioned because. Like. And continuing the way we see both Sartan and Patryn react to Alfred as a Mensch Name first and foremost. Is she going to pick a Sartan name? Her feelings about that heritage are very complicated and it's far from a good idea to do anyways because well she's workking in the labyrinth and it's all touchy enough without announcing her sartan-ness that more loudly. But she's not picking a patryn name that's ludicrous and probably disrespectful and she doesn't have strong emotions about any of those anyways. So what, go search for a mensch name? She already picked out a Mensch name. That she likes. And makes her feel understood (the bare human(e) struggle depicted by Prufrock was there for her when nothing else was). And, crucially, that really nobody around is all that familiar with as a name. Because it's so Human. so it's staying.
#zifnab is bummed cuz he had a lot of cats-the-musical based suggestions.#anyways as awkward and hesitant as i Am to write trans alfred At All sometimes. genuinely truly believe they'd be of our brave proud nation#of Trans People Who Have A Weird And Complicated Individual Trans Pathway Not In Textbook Narratives.#“was a little girl and then was a little girl forced to be a boy and then was some guy and Died and since then its rly been anybody's guess#genuinely like the whole point of thee alfredgender fic i wanted to write is that she like. might never figure It tm out and it's Fine.
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idk i just kinda went fuck anatomy only vibes lol
#wip#technically but idk if ill come back to this avbsjldf#oc#original character#digital art#blazingart#oc: cassius hayder#surprise hes also part of the horde of angel ocs im creating lmao#or well sort of its Complicated(tm) but isnt it always
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(Question, would you guys want me to sort of pretty up the doc and post a link to cotesias fake quest? It could be used as potential thread inspo if so desired)
#out of centipedes || ooc#(technically its too complicated to be a Real Quest TM but i tried to keep the spirit of fs to an extent)#(im playing with my dolls)
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I’ve always hated how media needs to be “palatable.” I think it’s annoying because people and situations irl aren’t always “palatable” either. Hell, more often than not, real people don’t fit the narratives touted by media, and that creates unrealistic and often misleading expectations.
#personal#this is mostly in trailer to a lot of HB criticisms#but it applies to basically every fandom I’ve been in this past four years#which is basically DSMP and Batfam#some others but those three’s fandoms are the biggest offenders#like the creators and the stories themselves aren’t even trying to be Palatable#which is why I like them#but their fandoms always seem to try to make#everything more palatable and sanitized or shit#it’s weird af#like#a lot of fandom is embracing the weird and non-mainstream aspects#but somehow Weird also has its own expectations for palatability#otherwise it’s Problematic(tm)#people are complicated!#they fuck up!#they’re cruel and nasty#they don’t always lead with kindness and they may expect the worse from others#they’re not going to fit the picture perfect model you want them to fit#and that’s good because that’s what makes them compelling!#if you don’t like it don’t read it#or watch it#not everything needs to exemplify moral purity
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Human Albrecht would be a slightly better father than Orokin Albrecht because he would feel a sense of responsibility for Euleria, but sometimes he'd get caught up in work and leave her to her own devices for too long.
Cue little Euleria wandering around Loid's estate and finding Loid lounging somewhere, so she goes to sit with him and talk to him. Then he calls a servant to bring some fruit since Euleria is hungry (she wanted food but Papa was too engrossed in work to pay attention to her so she wandered off).
Cue a TERRIFIED Albrecht running through the Loid estate asking all his servants if they've seen Euleria. Until Loid and Euleria show up and Albrecht nearly loses it.
Euleria remembers these events surprisingly fondly - she doesn't see it as neglect since she always had Loid's servants or Loid himself around her. Plus in the swap AU she still reveres her father so Albrecht can do no wrong. Accompanying her father as he works was just part of Euleria's childhood, with all the ups and downs it entailed.
Similarly to the canon (though I guess headcanon-canon), Loid's affection towards Albrecht also channels through his fondness for his daughter. Loid sees human children as a curiosity - his servant's families live on his estate, so he can see how parents and children interact.
Servants have a different dynamic, the kids are definitely held on a tight leash and don't interact with Loid that much (and when they do, only by adhering to all customs of etiquette), so Euleria wandering around and striking up a casual chat with Loid, not realizing who she is talking to (an Orokin), is very amusing to Loid.
#alloid swap au#Loid has a very paternalistic view of humans#he treats his servants nice but#its more like being nice to your pet#so he struggles to make a truly Human Connection#which complicates his relationship with Albrecht#who is oblivious that Loid fancies him That Way (tm)
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on that note. a week or two ago i swapped out some info in my about to list my gender as genderqueer as a super low stakes way of feeling it out lol
ive spent pretty much my whole life w/ my gender on a sliding scale from "agender" to "gnc cis girl" and while i definitely still feel more connected to the former than the latter rn i like. really appreciate genderqueer as a term that captures every stage of that
#dear mel#i know its okay to change ur identity but i kind of am tired of feeling like i need a new way to describe my gender every year and a half#i like having a word that feels like its described me at every point in the last fifteen years & will for the forseeable future#if i wanna get more specific and granular at any point in time well i can do that too#and i also feel like the idea of queering gender is like. central to how i relate to it#how else do i describe feeling overall genderless but also such bitter disappointment at the idea of my gnc traits being explained away#as oh im not Really a Girl TM which is why i dont want these things girls want#like no. even if i was a cis woman i would not want to be a mother or a wife and i would want to dress masc and present masc/androgynous#which is i think why i have such issues w applying the idea of dysphoria to myself?#because for me its so much more complicated than (x) trait is associated with (y) gender im assumed to be and am not#and i know dysphoria is more complicated than that too but thats often how i see conceptualized and i dont want it applied that way to me y
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Hating the Four Levels Below arc but also enjoying it because it's made hateable with intention. Truly, "Wow, this place is a freakshow. I dont respect literally any of you people."
#dee p thoughts#majo to yajuu#I already dont really care about vampires and then All That#but its makes sense- theres also genuinely a lot of cool stuff in the arc-#but explicitly that level sucks. its really bad! its was made that way.........#arc made me feel really smart ngl between oscar and the reveal of the floors themselves whewww#dunward is...dunward its complicated but its neat that its not just Bad(TM)
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IVE FINALLY COME UP WITH NAMES FOR THE MAIN CHARACTERS IN MY STORY IM SO HAPPY
#their names are Tatzel and Rin!!!!!!!! theyre siblings and i wuv them like theyre my kids#Tatzel is a little girl* who was born with monster-ey features; specifically of the big cat variety#think less catgirl and more 'apex predator in the body of a small child'#Rin is a little boy* who was born with monstery bird-like features; not sure on a particular species yet#**Its Complicated(tm)#i also have ideas for adult/older characters who are also of the fucked up monster variety#particularly a little old moth-lady and a boar-person#theyre both adorable to me but i want very much for there to be an air of 'what the fuck is that thing' from others in the story#at least upon first meeting them#like okay imagine meeting a person with the most unsettling of animal features. eyes slightly too big with irises tht turn from wide saucers#to tiny slits#or someone that takes their hoody off and theyre a little /too/gangly and angular underneath. their bones r thin and hollow for flight#like have you ever seen a featherless owl?
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«on todays episode of “heart and mind can only get along when theyre looking after the one person they dont hate”»
#«heart doesnt actually hate mind though»#«but at the same time he does»#«its Complicated(tm)»#«mind does hate heart though (WHICH IS COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED AND I AM NOT PORTRAYING MIND AS A BITCH FOR HATING THEM)»
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Sometimes i feel bad for being super verbose and using too many words for something i could of explained in far less or when i could just get to the point or be verbose and say a lot but miss crucial details due to over twenty year long well worn habits of it being The Safest Way To Talk About Anything in person for over twenty years to the point it just affected both IRL and online communication.
So, you know, if you ever want clarification/curious as to what i meant on a thing/i habitually never mentioned something in passing but mentioned around the thing feel free to ask if you want to know because even if i am more likely to be embarrassed about long worn habits theres only a less than 5% chance it was intentional and a 95% chance it was just habit.
Feel free to ever ask about it (in asks/messages/ect) because it would probably be good for me to talk to more than just the same people i know IRL over and over again anyway whose habit of 'rarely gets invested in conversations they did not start personally' and choosing to skip 50% of the details because 'im fucking over this is shit if they are listening they will ask' is the easiest way to get around this shit.
Also sometimes clarification is important because sometimes in the moment i just compile sentences in weird fucked up ways because having three wildly different languages with very different structures forced down your throat since before you were even properly school aged can fuck up your sense of language in unexpected ways. Especially once they expect you to suddenly drop everything you earned because it 'wasnt cute any more' when you took advantage of said skills to learn more than the person teaching you rather than idk take the potential parenting bonding activity for what it was.
#C: Turquoise Talks#i guess the fun part about that is due to health issues and social isolation if i didnt read/write so much shit even my english skills--#-would be rusty lmao.#....maybe i shouldnt joke about that one actually. For reasons to complicated and lengthy and numerous to something i will actually pin.#it also makes sense when people were 'interested' all through my childhood in what i was reading or w/e#but will take isue with anything not hetnorm cisnorm 'disabled free' ect so i was used to being vague as fuck and havig to leave details--#--up to others unless asked.#So like. Feel free to ask me what the flying fuck i talking about even sometimes.#Im so used to it i just dont fucking notice because Its SO Normal To Me(tm) and trust me you wont come across as a dick i actually ask--#--this shit IRL too sometimes lmao#you think how i type shit in typing is bad just get me on a half asleep day where shits fucked IRL and im 50x worse.
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i keep thinking about changing my name irl but its sooooooo scary like i cannot even begin to think about telling anyone
#jo rambles#and like#jo is a name i keep coming back to on here specifically#but it hasnt felt right in a while#more like a hat#unfortunately i do want to go by psyche#which is like fine#i just have to negate myself from whatever cringe was instilled in me years ago#about like picking your own name#its also complicated bc like#im not A Woman tm#but it doesnt feel right to refer to myself as trans in any capacity#emotions are hard for me#anyway
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